Posted by: L. E. Barnes | March 29, 2011

Why the Chicken Crossed the Road

It has to be one of the oldest groaners ever told:

“Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!”

But is it really so simple? Some experts of various backgrounds and persuasions weigh in on the issue:

SARAH PALIN:  The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it,
he’s a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA:  The chicken crossed the road  because it was time for
change!  The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN:  My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all
the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:   When I was First Lady,  I personally helped that
little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely
qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in  this
country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then,  this really
isn’t about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH:  We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the
road. We just want to know if  the chicken is on our side of the road, or
not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground
here.

DICK CHENEY:  Where’s my  gun?

COLIN POWELL:   Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see
the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON:  I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE:  I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY:   Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I
am now  against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled
about  the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain
against it.

AL  SHARPTON:  Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens…

DR. PHIL:  The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t
realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the
road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What
we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on
his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH:  Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems,
which is why he wants to cross this road so badly. So instead of having
the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life,
I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across
the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER,  CNN:  We have reason to  believe there is a chicken,
but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE:  That  chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You
can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:  To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:  No one called  me to warn me which way that chicken
was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs
when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any
insider  information.

DR. SEUSS:  Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:  To die in  the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL:  Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see
the plain truth? That’s why they call it the ‘other side..’ Yes, my friends,
That chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay
too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other
side.’  That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and
as simple as that.

GRANDPA:  In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:  Isn’t that  interesting? In a few moments, we will
be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of
how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it’s
lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:  It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:   Imagine… all the  chickens in the world crossing roads
together, and all we are saying is give  the peaceful chicken a chance  to cross the road.

BILL GATES:  I have just released  eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs,  file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet
Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2010.  This new platform is much more stable
and will never reboot.

ALBERT  EINSTEIN:  Did the chicken really cross the road, or did  the
road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS:  Did I miss one?

Alas, will we ever know the answer to this intriguing mystery? And as the following video clip demonstrates, if you’re going to explore this issue, make sure you ask the right people!

Advertisements

Responses

  1. Funny!!

    • I know, they’re too cute!

  2. Very amusing. Thanks for this light-hearted trip.

    • Glad you liked it!

  3. Hilarious! I had seen a list like this years ago, but glad to see an updated version.

  4. This is so funny and timely! All week my now-six-year-old has been on a kick of telling his own version of this joke (which, weirdly, he thinks is the funniest thing in the world):

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    -To save the world! (say that is a six year old super-hero voice. 🙂 )

    • Looking back at my childhood years, I must admit that I too thought the weirdest things were funny when I was around your child’s age. Well, at least he’s laughing and enjoying himself. 🙂

      Maybe he could rephrase the joke and say that it was because he needed to get into the phone booth on the other side of the road so he could change into his Superman (or perhaps “Superchicken” in his case) and save the world! 😉

  5. I love Oprah’s the best. 🙂

    Carol–you have my condolences! LOL Ah, how much longer of a respite will I have before I start getting 6-y-o jokes told in my house?

    • Yes, 6-year-old humor is… unique, shall we say?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: